DEALING WITH LOSS.

It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to… or will I? I say that lightly but I’m actually quite serious, after today and perhaps Saturday I will try better to have more uplifting topics. I was sitting at work today thinking about my aunt again and wanting to cry when it dawned on me that I haven’t really cried at all since she passed away. The last day I saw her I cried because I knew that it would probably be her last day with us and I just couldn’t hold back the tears, but apart from that day I have not allowed myself to mourn. I’ve been trying to be a rock for my mother and in the midst of things forgot that I need to let out a good cry myself. The sad thing is that it feels like I don’t know how to let myself do it, when I’m at work or school it just seems inappropriate… and when I finally get home late at night the last thing I feel like doing is crying myself to sleep.

The funeral is on Saturday and I’m taking Friday off because I’m allowed one bereavement day and my family is planning to get together later on in the evening to enjoy a little comfort food and reminisce. Perhaps tomorrow will be the day I allow myself to grieve because the last thing I want is to cut up on Saturday in the church. I really do miss my aunt, she was such a personal person if that makes any sense. When I say that I simply mean that she was one of the few people who still enjoyed handwriting letters and actually drawing little doodles, putting stickers on the envelopes… things of that nature. That was one of the many things I loved most about her.

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