WHAT MAKES A BEST FRIEND A “BEST” FRIEND?

Best friend, someone (singular) with whom one shares the strongest possible kind of friendship” — Wikipedia.com

Some people consider their pets as best friends, I don’t have any pets so I’m not going to touch on that or judge it but for the purposes of this entry I mean human beings, lol. I would imagine that there are many ways to define the label “best friend” and that it really depends on the person in general, some people may talk to their friends daily while others may talk to them once a month or even less frequently than that.

With my small circle of friends it seems like almost every friend I have should be a best friend but such is not the case. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come realize that just because you’ve been friends with someone for what seems like forever, that doesn’t make them the best of the bunch. To me a best friend is someone who loves you flaws and all, doesn’t mind telling you when you’re wrong but tries to put a spin on it to be positive criticism, understands your weird and totally lame jokes, and is there for you when you really need them and you for them as well. That’s the short of it anyway, I could go a little deeper but don’t feel it necessary.

At the moment I have 4 so-called best friends, 3 male and one female. It’s rare for me to click well with females to the point where I fully trust them and it has proven to be challenging with guys as well but slightly less for some reason. My one female best friend has become more like a sister to me than a friend over time, we met when we were in the 6th grade but didn’t really become close friends until the 10th. After high school she moved to Austin and I hopped around between here (Beaumont), Houston, & Dallas trying to find my way. Through everything we always find a way to catch up and be there for one another, and in terms of romantic ups and downs… somehow our lives always seem to mirror each other… she’s broken hearted… I usually am too. If she’s struggling to get over someone you guessed it, I am too. I have another best friend that I met in high school who I’m afraid is slowly drifting from me and vice versa. He’s a great person and with him being gay there are certain things I feel I can discuss with him that I can’t with your average guy. But at times I feel like I’m being demoted on his friend list, he rarely has time for me… even on my birthday he sent me a text that he wanted to grab drinks followed by one saying “oops I forgot I’ve already got plans”…. my birthday was in JULY! you think he’s rescheduled? no :'( and there was another recent friendship fail on his part that involved a death in my family… he wasn’t aware of it and sent me a text asking if I had plans for the day, so I told him I was with family because I’d just left my aunt’s funeral… did he offer condolences…. eh no… he didn’t even reply. I love that boy I really do, but I don’t know where his head is lately…

Meanwhile, the other two were originally met very different ways… online of all places. One I started talking to when I was 14, met through yahoo messenger talked somewhat frequently but really bonded when something happened between my dad’s wife and I that caused me to move to stay with my brother when I was 16 :-/ it’s a bit personal and since this blog is view-able to any and everyone I won’t go into details but he was an open ear in the middle of the night. We eventually met in person when I was 19 and got along just as well in person as we would have ever imagined. And there were times here and there when I would go through financial struggles and he would never hesitate to send me something through Western Union. He’s a Marine and in Japan now after doing 3 deployments to the middle east so while I don’t get to talk to him as much as I’d like when we do get in touch it’s like no time was missed 🙂 in general he’s a great guy, one that my mom had hoped I’d end up marrying but over time I just realized that we don’t really fit in that regard, we tried it very briefly but there are certain things about him that make me want to pull my hair out lol… in the end, still got nothing but love for him.

Last best friend to touch on is probably the most complicated of them all, we met on MySpace when I was 19 going on 20, he was one of the few guys that messaged me without trying to “holla” which was refreshing. We bonded over html coding of all things… and from there just discovered more and more in common with one another to the point where we both started to question, where does it end? Like the previously mentioned best friend, he was there for me when I needed it the most… this time while I was living out of my car trying to find a job… we talked everyday for hours and then he went back to school after that summer and we didn’t get to talk quite as much… we eventually stopped talking altogether because I started dating someone who was very possessive and wanted me to drop all of my guy friends especially the one that was 6’5 with hazel eyes (my best friend)… and being young and naive at the time… I did. But after that mess of a relationship fell through I tracked him down. He forgave me for being and idiot more or less and we were back to being like the good old days once again. He was always there for me anytime I needed to talk, even listened to me vent about stupid guys I dated. At the age of 23 I finally got around to meeting him in person when I went to the Dallas State Fair, from there we ended up falling for each other and eventually getting into a relationship of our own. I hated the distance though, it seemed like no matter how amazing our time together was it couldn’t ease the sadness I felt when we were not together. I eventually broke up with him for that reason, among a few others… it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to do. We promised to keep in touch with one another though and try to maintain our friendship and we did for awhile… got more difficult with time. We’ve faded in and out of each others lives since then, last time I saw him was in March and there is a slight possibility I may see him again this month. But my thing is, even with us going months without talking at times, when we do catch up its like we don’t miss a beat. I’ve been talking to him weekly now for almost a month and when he found out about my aunt he was genuinely saddened about it and offered to be there for me if I needed it…. it really bugs me that my other best friend couldn’t even say “sorry for you loss” but he could and we barely talk to each other. I still feel like I can talk to him about anything though, and I still care for him. We’ve gone back and forth with the thought of getting back together one day if we lived closer to each other, not sure if it will ever happen but as long as I have him as a friend I think I’ll be content.

Overall, it seems like some people in my life are a little more deserving of this position/title in my life than others… and they all have different things that make them a best friend…

6 thoughts on “WHAT MAKES A BEST FRIEND A “BEST” FRIEND?

  1. M Hardy says:

    I used to hold similar views…before I got older and on my second marriage…

    Great post! I disagree in that I personally don’t think that those of the opposite genders should be friends like that. Sure it always starts innocently…but can always take a turn later. I am not saying this is or will be everyone’s experience, but it has been my nightmare.

    And I have the divorce records to prove it.

    I think everyone’s perception of what a best friend is or should be will probably be different. I think the key should be not the best friend, but how said friendship stands in the eyes of the relationship.

    No friendship should ever be elevated above or compromise the marriage. That is a serious problem.

    But hey…what can I say…I have been burned.

    • Rachel Henry says:

      I hear you, every one has their own perspective and you’re speaking from your own personal experience so I can’t take offense to that. And honestly with some of my male friends that I am closer to when ever I do get around to getting married… I don’t plan to be nearly as close to…

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