I’ve always found it funny that among the vast majority of my friends, when they are going through something they never hesitate to come to me and vent, and if they don’t come to me but I sense something is wrong I have no problem reaching out to them. Yet lately, it seems like when I’m the one dealing with something… I can’t find a shoulder to cry on to save my life. Even if said friends sense that something may be wrong, they don’t even try to find out if I want to talk about it… and it hurts.

What happened to the saying “treat others the way you want to be treated”? Does that concept not matter anymore?

Also, why is it so hard for people to be honest these days? I’m a grown woman, I can take it… I don’t need you to tip toe around my emotions… if you have a problem with me (ESPECIALLY if you consider yourself a friend or did at some point) then tell me about it! Damn. I can’t stand when people are scared to speak what’s on their mind.

Oh well, moving right along…

Friendship and love… when done right can be a wonderful combination… HOWEVER if not… it is anything but… I speak from experience. Even now almost 2 years after being split from my former best friend and ex, I just want to face palm myself a million times. When we were together as more than friends… I won’t lie… it was bliss but that brief moment in time was not worth all the years of friendship that we had built up prior to that which all seem like a waste now. Relationships ruin friendships… not always but often… and people tried to warn me of that… but I just dived in head first. And now here I am with one less friend,  who sadly enough was actually among the few who allowed me vent when I needed to. Some part of me thought that we could remain friends because our break up was not bitter by any means… but I see now we were both kidding ourselves.

And lately, I find my heart and my mind in strong disagreement about things…. my heart is gone with the wind… dying to run free and embrace something that isn’t even really there. Meanwhile, my mind is just like “GIRL, CHILL OUT“… and as much as I hate to deny my heart, it has failed me too many times for me to follow it blindly again… that is after all how hearts get broken, and I am not ready for that again.

So for now, love can take a backseat and watch the rest of my life pass on by… I’m not being a pessimist, just trying to protect myself. I hope in time things change but I’m not going to press the issue… I’m just going to enjoy the close friendship that I’m starting to form with someone and appreciate it for both what it is and what it isn’t. I might want more, but all I NEED is already right in front of me. So I will suck it up and just keep pushing. Love doesn’t always have to include romance, there are different aspects and I need to embrace those instead of focusing on the other so I won’t be left looking stupid at the end of it all…

As for life,  I’m hoping that with the new year comes new things… positive things. I would like to experience strengthening of friendships, both new and old and I would also like to have a smooth transition with moving away from my home city.  My immediate family seems to support my decision (although my mother will definitely miss me like nobody’s business), and I’m grateful for that… but moving is easier said then done when you’re doing it alone… it’s not like I can just snap my fingers and everything will be perfect… I know that and I anticipate to run into bumps and set backs but I’m determined to go after what I want… and there are far more opportunities for me if i leave. So I will continue to stay focused, and try my best to not let anything or anyone stand in my way…

2 thoughts on “FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, & LIFE.

  1. LazarusGOMAB says:

    Thank you for sharing and you have me on too many instant messengers to not reach out, I told you I am here whenever you need to talk. Everything will come together the way you want it to go

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