UGH.

HelpWantedNOTBeing in the job market is a pain in the butt, especially with the current state of the economy. Last time I moved away from home to the Dallas area I was able to get online apply to a few jobs get calls back the next day, interviews within the same or next week and boom new J-O-B! Things are so different now and its frustrating. I’ve only been unemployed for about a month but its killing me. My last job before moving  barely covered me paycheck to paycheck so unfortunately saving up wasn’t exactly an option and now I’m sitting here gritting me teeth. There are so many others that I see who have been searching for jobs for months and months on end who have even more experience than I do and it is VERY discouraging. I wish the perfect job for me would just fall into my lap but I know that life doesn’t work that way.

I’m trying my best to find something good, I understand that any money is better than no money at all but I’m also trying to be mindful of the fact that I need something with decent pay and decent hours and doing something like flipping burgers would never get me that. I would barely be able to pay my OWN bills (credit cards, personal loans, school loans, phone) let alone help out with anything else that isn’t just mine alone… and I don’t want things to be that way. I also don’t think its fair (to the employer) to take a job knowing I have no desire at all to stay with it and will constantly be looking for something better… and that’s exactly what would happen if I tried doing fast food which is why its definitely a last resort…

I truly feels like its a slap in the face to have decent experience with being a supervisor/manager, retail/sales and even some administrative work thrown into the mix and not being able to find ANYTHING. I can’t lie… I have days where I try to force a smile but internally I feel like curling up into a ball and crying. Yes, I realize money isn’t everything but having a steady source of income that can take care of ALL of your needs and hopefully a few of your wants would be nice. All I can do is keep praying that something good will come through for me. I am trying even though at points it seems like I may as well just give up. I constantly have to remind myself throughout the day to stay positive, I have my days where I feel defeated and my days where I try my best to remain optimistic… I feel like I’m literally on an emotional roller coaster.

To add to those up and down emotions… I had an interview last week that went absolutely amazing (no it wasn’t in my head, it honestly did go well) and yet here I am now wondering what’s going on and why I haven’t been called back yet. I have all the experience required for the position, I was very confident, gave good responses, had the interviewer smiling and saying that they really liked me and that they had to interview a few others and do background checks. She also gave me information about training and other little details you generally wouldn’t disclose to someone until after they are hired. I have to say that I honestly felt like I was on cloud nine when I left that interview, I was smiling from ear to ear with that “I got this!” attitude all the way home. However, as I stated I’m now in a ball of confusion as to what went wrong. My background is clean, I had one thing happen when I was younger that I was found NOT GUILTY of because it was a bunch of BS and yet I have heard absolutely nothing back. I have a feeling that if it was just for one available position this may not be bothering me quite as much but I was in the running for one out of five total. So I just feel like my bubble has been severely burst. I sent a thank you e-mail yesterday for the interview and that I hoped to hear back from her once a decision had been made just to show I’m still interested without being intrusive. I know some people find it annoying to be called after the interview has taken place so I followed my father’s advice on that. Its only been a week since the interview and there may be a  slight possibly that I get a call back by the end of the week but I’m not feeling nearly as comfortable or confident as I was last week.

I don’t know how much more rejection I can take, it seems like no one wants me and  it hurts because think  I’m a great person… very driven and dedicated to every thing that I do when I am employed… that’s just how I’ve always been and I try to portray that but it seems like it doesn’t matter 🙁

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