Yeah forgiveness, that dreadful word that’s extremely easy to say but a little harder to do. There are times when I would rather pull out my teeth or poke out my own eye balls than forgive certain people but it has to be done. As I’ve gotten older I have realized that it is better to forgive someone then to let it linger and hold onto any anger you may have because to put it simply, you gain nothing from being that way.
Many often repeat the saying “forgive and forget” but in my past experience it actually seems easier to “forget it and try to bury it”… the only problem is that I never truly forget and it always resurfaces at the worst time. This is why I am learning to be a more forgiving person over time, I can’t pretend that it isn’t still a bit of a struggle for me but I like to challenge myself (which can sometimes include forgiving the unforgivable). In turn, I also have to look in the mirror myself and realize that I am not now nor will I ever be perfect and that there are things that I probably need to be forgiven for myself. I cannot control the way others choose to live their life, or the time frame in which they let go or if they ever do. However, I am in total control of what I do and I have chosen to forgive… not just the little things but the bigger ones too. I’m also letting go of the recent things as well as the ones that I’ve held onto for years that have caused me to be bitter and resentful at times. It doesn’t mean that I acknowledge any foul towards me as “okay” but I simply recognize that people do things for whatever reason and that holding onto that anger towards them is simply like poisoning myself in the hopes that it will hurt them.
I can’t say that I’m fulfilling the “forget” part as well as I’d like but what I will say is once I forgive someone it’s a lot easier to get along with them or speak to them in passing if I’ve already released any bad feelings. The memories will remain but instead of having that “I hate them” attitude or “they hurt me” attitude… it’s more like an “it was what it was and I’m over it” feeling… which is so much easier to deal with. I can only hope that as I get older and more mature that I can continue with this mindset… I wish it hadn’t taken me nearly 27 years to realize it though.