So… as most of my readers may know this year did not have the best start for me, not even a week into it I lost one of the most important people in my life. I still miss her and think of her every single day and I don’t expect that to change. However, I can say that I’m able to think of my mom and smile more often than I did a month ago. There are still moments where I find myself at work holding back tears at the thought of her until I can make it to the restroom or outside on one of my breaks to let it all out, but overall I think I’m doing okay and possibly better than most of my friends and family would expect.
One of the biggest realizations I’ve come to in this short time, is that just because her life has ended on this earth doesn’t mean that mine has to… I’m still here and I still have things to accomplish and family to take care of. I still have a legacy to build that would make my mother proud of me and I intend to do just that!
I believe that I’ve gotten off to a pretty good start within the past month, I’ve remained focused and continued to live my life as normally as possible. I still work my behind off at my 8-5 and I just renewed my apartment lease. I’m also continiously working on building up my tech blog and currently torn between the decision of whether I want it to be more visual with mostly vlogs or with more written articles. I’d really love to do a combination of both but with a full-time job that can be a bit of a hassle.
I’ve also discovered a new found love for cooking, its not my first time in the kitchen by any means… but previously I’ve never really wanted to cook, my heart wasn’t in it and believe me that makes a HUGE difference. For the longest I’ve been using the excuse of “I don’t have pots, pans, etc. so I can’t cook.” and while it was the truth and buying these items wasn’t exactly in my budget… I didn’t really make an effort to factor it into my finances.
Fast forward to now where thanks to a few friends donating things and a lot of kitchen items passed down from my mother I’ve been cooking something at least 4 days out of the week. I eat leftovers on the others and can no longer remember the last time I had a frozen TV dinner. I’ve even tried my hand at baking a few things and believe it or not my apartment hasn’t burned down and I haven’t died of food poisoning! lol My food has been surprisingly delicious with the exception of that one night when I browned some ground meat while half sleep but we aren’t gonna talk about that! 🙂 I’ve even joined Pinterest to look for new recipes to try; it would seem a monster may have been created but I’m okay with that… my tummy has been very happy.
I’ve also been getting out of my room/bed a lot more on my days off… I have my brother to thank for that. It took many months for my apartment to get fully furnished but it happened and it was all thanks to generous people giving me things (dining table, coffee table, futon couch, end tables, etc.) but even when I finally had just about everything, I would rarely sit on my couch because I was bored… I tried reading books sitting on it a few times and even temporarily moved my TV from my bedroom but I just couldn’t get into the hang out staying in the room. I’d still end up under the covers in bed watching Netflix on my computer, so the TV got moved back into my room shortly after. However last month as my brother was getting ready to move for a job overseas he asked me if I wanted his 32″ TV to put in my room so the big one could go in the living room, I said “sure!” and a few weeks later it arrived at my door and now I spend a lot of time in there.
With the recent purchase of some cappuccino mix and coffee mugs some mornings if I get up early enough I’ll come sit on the couch before getting ready for work. I usually throw a blanket over my lap if its chilly while I sip a cup of coffee and nibble on some brown sugar cinnamon toast as I read my daily devotional and think about life. It’s an amazing experience but unfortunately a rare one because I am not a morning person.
I’ve also reconnected with two of my closest friends since the start of the new year, one I’ve known since the 9th grade but kind of fell out of touch with for a year and some months… but we’re back now like no time has been missed and its nice having a local buddy to hangout with. The other friend is like my interweb twin lol, I met him on Google+ back in the beta days and we just instantly clicked… we used to talk so much it was a wonder we didn’t get sick of each other. We kinda drifted apart for a while because “life” and other reasons I don’t care to go into, but we both missed one another and we got all that out in the air at the beginning of this month with lots of relief for both parties involved.
I have to say that overall I’m proud of myself and where my life seems to be headed and I feel that my mom would be too. Last year didn’t end on the best note but it was a great year of positive growth for me despite that fact and while this year didn’t start off very well, I know it will continue to get better. For now I’m going to enjoy my yummy food, my cozy apartment and conversations with my amazing friends…