sad_behind_smile_155I took a really long hiatus from blogging on both of my sites, and I’m still not positive that I will be posting on a regular basis after this but I’m going to try to make an honest effort. I’d like to say that I neglected my sites because I don’t have time but that would be a lie because if I have time for binge watching shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime I can easily write something on here once a week. I think part of it is that I’ve lost my passion for writing… sometimes I doubt that I ever had one. You know how sometimes you’re relatively good at something and you always have been so you just go with it? I think that is basically what I’ve done. Ever since elementary school when they called it Language Arts to middle school and high school where they called it English it was always my favorite and easiest subject. My college composition class was about the same, I’d put off writing a paper til the day of and make something up in two hours and get an “A”, it kinda made me feel bad for the people who had been working on theirs for weeks.

Now on to the point after that super long intro, since this is my personal blog I guess I should continue to talk about myself since its been a few months. Good things: I finally got a raise at my job and can stop having to live check to check assuming I don’t do something ignorant like start spending more money on crap that I don’t really need. Otherwise, I don’t think I have anything all that great to report so I guess I should have said “thing”. I’m still a homebody and contrary to some of my friend opinions there is nothing wrong with that… I am who I am and I will never change for anyone but myself. I’m not a party girl, I’m not a social butterfly… I’m just me.

As for the not so great thing,  I still miss my mom a lot… its weird like the first few months were rough and then the next few I was just kinda numb on it and now I’m back to a point where I can’t stop thinking about her. I wanted to call her when I got my raise on Monday… I wanted to take her out to eat when my dad gave me a coupon for buy one get one free hamburgers at Fuddrucker’s… I even wanted to tell her that I bought an iPhone earlier this month just to see her reaction. I know those things seem small but she never cared how significant what I had to say was… she just loved talking to her baby girl and I miss her so much. I hated that I couldn’t call her when I drove to the Big Android BBQ this year. I just hate that I don’t have her anymore and that I didn’t get to tell her goodbye.

Speaking of the Big Android BBQ, I have to be honest…. not sure I will go next year. It’s an amazing event but I seriously don’t think I have the personality for it… it pulls me out of my comfort zone and I’m not really big on mingling or being social… I’m the perfect picture of a freaking wall flower. Its not just here though, its also at things like parties and clubs which is why I pretty much never go to them. Side note: It really bothers me when people can’t accept you the way you are and make you feel like you’re defective or damaged goods simply because you don’t have a personality akin to theirs. Anyhow, part of me thinks I might be better off trying to volunteer at an event like that but then the concern kicks in that I’ll be working while on a vacation from my real job…. and I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I like my job but it can be seriously stressful and the #1 thing I’ve enjoyed about this trip is the fact that I didn’t have to be there. I’m dreading Monday like nobody’s business… its definitely going to be a reality check.

In other news…. since I’ve been single for two years now and I don’t believe in settling for less than what I want/deserve I’m thinking of getting an animal to keep me company. It’ll probably be a cat… I know, I know “single cat lady” but oh well it’ll be something to snuggle in the winter and to care for. Some days I’m not sure I’ll ever have children or end up with anyone so a “fur baby” seems like a good idea. I realize that 28 is a bit young to say I may not end up with anyone but lets just say if my life were a Magic 8 Ball it would say “Outlook not so good.” as far as my history with dating and the lack thereof goes. I’m kinda tapped out on looking and don’t think I’ll ever be found.

I could probably go on and on and blab some more about personal stuff but I’m fairly certain this is enough emotional vomit for one night and I’m extremely “in my feelings” right now so I may not even keep this post up permanently but I had to get some things out of my system… its been way too long since I wrote something and I was started to feel like a drain with a major clog.


2 thoughts on “MY LIFE.

  1. Kevin F says:

    I know how something like a vacation or party or gathering that SHOULD be awesome and fun turns into, lack for a better word, craptastic.

    Its almost like you need another vacation just to decompress from the first vacation.

    I’ve noticed that the Android BBQ really isn’t for everyone too. It’s just for a certain type of personality and like you said, if you’re not on the higher part of the social spectrum, its really not that fun.

    Do what you need to do to try to find that calm and little bit of happiness and if that means getting a cat or 2, so be it. But I’m tellin ya right now, the MOMENT you get that 3rd cat, you will forever be labelled crazy cat lady, BY ME !!! I will not let that HAPPEN !!!!

    • Rachel Elizabeth says:

      One cat only, and that’s still a big maybe lol… but yes another vacation sounds nice. I’ll be able to take more time off towards the end of January. Currently thinking of a master plan.

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