IT’S BEEN AWHILE.

So… I’ve had hiatuses from blogging before here and there but generally not this long for my personal blog (the tech one? well now, that is a COMPLETELY different story…). I’ve been around the interwebs here and there and occasionally posting on social media but I have been dealing with some things in my life that made this website feel like less of a priority. If you’re a curious person such as myself you may be wondering what things so I’ll just go ahead and dive right in… literally weeks after my last post on here in January I more or less had a mental breakdown. It was gradual but as it got worse it went from feeling like a slow fall to more of a “crash and burn” situation. While I knew I had issues and had discussed concerns with my spouse… making that step to actually do something about it was not easy. I finally made the necessary phone call though and they booked me an immediate appointment with a counselor the next day.

I spilled my guts to her about the kind of thoughts I’d been having lately and the way that I felt from day to day… she immediately recommended I see a psychiatrist for medication and also encouraged a short term disability leave from my job. I panicked for a few reasons… one I’d only been at my job for 3 months (literally fresh out of training) and two, fully acknowledging that I was dealing with mental health issues was tough for me. There’s still a bit of a stigma around it in today’s society and when you combine that with hereditary issues on both sides of my family and more directly my mother… it scared the crap out of me. I didn’t want to be that person… I didn’t want to need medicine to feel somewhat “normal” but I talked to my employer and given the circumstances they allowed me to take a leave for one month. During that month I began taking antidepressants and doing group therapy which has helped more than I could have ever imagined. I also realized that I had  a lot issues with anxiety and eventually was written a prescription for that as well. The anxiety medicine is just now starting to truly work after about 4 weeks but that plus my “happy pills” seems to be keeping me level headed. I’ve also started doing daily (well almost daily) meditation to help with my focus. Meditation was one of those things I had always been a bit skeptical of but it really does help me calm down when I’m anxious or help me feel more positive about my day if I do it prior to work. I don’t feel nearly as stressed out these days and I’m grateful that I decided to seek help before I did something stupid. My thoughts are much more positive now and I’m a lot happier as well.

Most importantly I still have my amazing husband by my side who has been beyond supportive  of me through any mental or physical illness that has come my way within the last couple years. I know there are a lot of people that deal with Behavioral Health out there but many aren’t very open about it and understandably so. I’m grateful to have such an understanding and supportive family and I pray I never take them for granted.

4 thoughts on “IT’S BEEN AWHILE.

  1. Steven Green says:

    Glad you are feeling much better and got some of the help you felt you needed. I understand being in a dark place and feeling some thoughts that are less than savory, I have talked to counselors and others before myself, even landed a stint in a facility for a weekend, but it is all about finding out what works best for you. I’m glad you have found that.

    • Rachel Elizabeth says:

      Yeah, given my family history I really didn’t want to prolong seeking treatment. My mom dealt with depression and bipolar mania and I’m trying to make sure it doesn’t get that bad for me. I do miss being able to talk to her about this stuff though so it’s nice to hear when other people like yourself can relate.

  2. daNanner says:

    We likes our happy pills, yes we do … You are not alone. Been there, done that, my brain recently decided it was time for a return visit after being off meds for around 7 years when CBT just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I’m so very glad you’re getting help and have a support system now.

    • Rachel Elizabeth says:

      Thanks and yeah at this moment my biggest fear is how I’m going to deal once they decide to take me off the meds. The support system and receiving feedback from others who have been in similar situations helps a lot.

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